Spontaneity

Hi guys! It has been awhile since I took some time to write. In roughly a month and a half I've had some fun things come up! The end of summer has been flying by and I try to take in every moment I can soaking up the last of our dog days of summer. I have also been pretty busy. Probably the busiest I've been since I exited treatment and started my new journey. But busy is good for me! (Though I am careful to check myself.) Between starting a brand new adult-like job, still working a second job at the salon, attending my Yogafit classes, and fitting in time for self-care, a social life, adoption support groups, and the almighty sleep time, it has all really made the end of my summer catch up to me.

So! Here's what is new. July 9th I began my new job with Allina. (Thank you Meggy for pushing me!!) I am so excited to work for such a great, organized, respected company and it is fun working "normal" hours for THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. I'm done with work at 4:30pm everyday and I don't work weekends? What?? I am adjusting quite well within my new space and sometimes I have to pinch myself like...this is my life now. I wake up and I'm driving to work at 7am...in traffic...watching the sun rise...this would have NEVER have been my life 1.5 years ago. I could hardly wake up at 10am for my serving shifts, (mainly due to the fact that I would stay up all night downing bottles of wine and feeling sorry for myself and my shitty life.) I even signed up for benefits for the first time in my life. LOL 😂 Welcome to the adult life, Cass!

It just feels really good being responsible for the first time in quite awhile and I am very happy with the direction my life has taken. As weird as it is, I started the job just shy of my one year anniversary of graduating outpatient treatment. (I graduated on July 12th, 2017.) My mom had even noticed that too. Things do come together in the end. It may take time, but don't ever give up and keep persevering through the bullcrap. That is for all those who think they aren't worthy of a life in recovery and all of its rewards. I never pictured this for myself, but things just keep getting better. Slowly, but surely. Sometimes I just stop and think and look around (in my head) at my life and notice how much things truly have changed. For the better.

Another strange thing is that Grace's adoptive mom, Wendy, had found out that she got a new job as well! Guess when? The same day that I found out about my new job!! That same day ALSO happened to be my Grandma Rhona's birthday (June 12th), for those who aren't aware--my Grandma Rhona passed away a few years ago and it honestly tore me apart and absolutely devastated me. I truly loved and adored her like none other. So as ironic as all of that is, I think a little angel in heaven is doing a lot of these "coincidences" down here on Earth.

Aside from starting my new job, I am still working part time at the salon helping out with closing shifts and some weekends. I like the people I work with and it works fab with my full time hours so might as well make some extra cash, right?! As stated, I like to be busy but it is nice to learn how to be a healthy kind of busy. The old me would work myself ragged and never give myself a day off and the only thing on my self-care to do list would be to go to the liquor store and drink Pinot Grigio all night long. Yeah, not so healthy. So it's nice to see that I am able to give myself as many shifts as I am looking for and also see myself still fitting in time for my yoga classes either on weeknights or for sure on the weekends. Because that is something I know I truly need for myself.

Another cool thing I have decided to embark on (and I can't believe I am actually committed to doing this!) is I have decided to undergo YogaBarre Teacher Training. Yes. Your girl is going to be a barre instructor. Barre is all the rad right now and the hot new workout and I am completely HOOKED (hey, my counselor was right...cross addiction is real 😛). It is a weekend-long training the end of September and after that I will be a certified Barre instructor. Now I'm sure everyone is like "What the hell is barre?" "How can she be a yoga instructor in a weekend?" Ok. It's not straight Yoga I will be certified in. I workout at "YogaFit" and we incorporate a lot of the yoga flows into the warm-ups and cool downs including the burn and barre classes. Every class at our studio has Yoga in the beginning of the name--Yogaburn..Yogabarre..Yogaflow..YogaHIIT..YogaRestore...you get the jist.

Now, Barre is a workout unlike any other. If you want that long, lean, dancers-like body in a quick amount of time, then barre is your workout. I have watched my body transform back into the body I had when I danced for years, in these last few months. Barre focuses on each body part and does a crazy amount of reps to "burn" out your muscle and fatique it to the point of pure exhaustion. And let me tell you it feels horribly wrong during, but soooo good afterwards. So your core, arms, glutes, thighs, and calves all get a stellar workout in an hour. Do that a few times a week and you can see where you would get hooked. It's low impact (which I LOVE as a former dancer and YEARS of practicing on gym and cafeteria floors) and you use your own body weight or very small weights (2-5 lbs). It is amazing to say the least and I am so excited to learn so much more about barre during the training. I was so honored to receive the email from my yoga studio which basically sealed the deal for me and I was like "Yep. I'm doing this. Why not? What's to lose?" Spontaneity.

I have also decided to go on my first ever Recovery Retreat! It is up north in Deer River, Minnesota alongside a lake, staying in a cabin. I'm going by myself and looking forward to meeting new, sober people. It will be amazing being surrounded by people who are serious about their recovery (and I'm assuming a good amount of sobriety time will be around me!) and the northwoods. It will be a good weekend for reflection and I hope to gain a lot more insight from those around me. I learned so much when I was at treatment from my peers. Yeah, the classes are great and all and those are what we're really spending the money on, but you learn so much from the people right beside you. The ones who are battling this disease everyday, just like I am. People who get what I am going through and the cravings and mood swings and the lows and highs of recovery. I am pumped to say the least and can't believe I have committed to that as well. Once again, spontaneity.

I also have committed on going to a yoga retreat in the fall up by Cross Lake. A weekend full of yoga at a lake. Two of my favorite things in a sentence. I get to do it with my mom too which will be wonderful, and her two good friends are joining us so it'll be a fun, girls weekend full of self care and practicing yoga. Another thing I never would have done in the past. You guessed it, spontaneity.

That's the cool thing I've noticed about myself now that I am sober. I really don't give two shits what people think anymore, and I am pretty damn spontaneous and have a lot more confidence. 1.5 years ago I would have NEVER walked into an AA meeting or an adoption support group meeting with a room full of people telling my story to strangers...completely sober. I would have never paid money to go stay in a cabin at a lake with other sober people talking about goals and aspirations and reflecting, because "why the hell would I do that?" I would never ever in a million years agree to become a group fitness instructor. Mainly because I also never went to the gym because when did I have time to do that between all the drinking and bar hopping? And why would I have ever paid money to go do yoga up north with a bunch of women?

I just laugh sometimes cause I know the "old" me would be making fun of the exact person that I have become. Waking up at 7am on weekends, working out on a Saturday morning, meditating, attending retreats, googling where I can find cool shops to buy crystals at so I can align my Chakras (Yes. Guilty), sitting on the deck with nature in silence with a cold glass of Shrub (I will explain what my shrub drink is later on, obviously an NA beverage). I just love my life now.

I have seen Grace a few times this summer but man summer is hard to get together with people! Summer is basically 12 weekends that Minnesotans jam pack all of these activities into this short amount of time. Lakes, cabins, retreats, weddings, reunions, work, etc. I just had a visit with her last weekend and my God my love for that little human is indescribable. She is SO happy and healthy, it just puts a perma smile on my face. I love her so much and am so happy that she is thriving. That's all I wanted for her...to thrive. My sweet little amazing Grace. The inspiration for all of this that my life has become.

I hope everyone else's summer has been just as amazing. Enjoy the last of these nice days that we have left and wearing shorts/sandals around. This week I am looking forward to two outdoor yoga events (come on weather, cooperate!) at the Commons & Brit's Pub. Summer and yoga--nothing better, man.

Have a fab week, love bugs! 🖤✨

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